The clock keep on going, 2014 is here…
My study almost finish this year and yet I am still questioning my self ‘where will I stay after this?’
I have been move around and become a nomad is not the nicest thing in life. There is a moment when you start losing your friends. Each of them started to return to their country. Lots of moment when you miss your best friend who are staying more than 1000miles away. The moment when you can not be with your mom on her birthday. There are moment when a relationship has to be ended, because of the distance. I do feel tired with those unhappy and guilty feeling. Those feeling become annoying, suffocating, and tiring from time to time.
I have been staying awake since 2014 started, the nightmare of my question to settle down haunt me everyday. I do not have the answer with me right now…But, I do know that coming back to Indonesia is not the answer. There are dreams which I still have not reach yet. Those dreams, I am sure..I can not achieve it if I am back to Indonesia.
There is a saying, ‘home is where your heart lay’ I am still in the searching mode, but the answer will reach me soon!!!. I guess if it takes so much effort to find where my home will, I will appreciate more when I am there.
So, mom… I am sorry, but this year I still could not spend my time for your birthday, I still can not spend my time to celebrate my birthday. I send my regards from this cold weather, hopefully you always be happy and healthy!
Brooklyn, New york, USA!
I should be there this Christmas and celebrating New Year with friends. But, well…I still ended up in Berlin!!! Welcoming 2014 in here.
I still don’t know why…WHY BERLIN?! why is it so hard to get out from this city??? Even the USA embassy conspired with the universe to still put me here….
I don’t hate the city, it is a beautiful chaotic city. But, please let me get out from here this year!…I am begging….
lovely shoes :)
onmyfeet!. turned 3 today!
His name is Balu, the big German dog. Black, white and brown color with his big size, scary but cute face :)
He is my ex boyfriend’s dog. He is the first dog I touched and stroked. I always been afraid of dog since I was in primary school…
I hope you are doing good Balu!…even thought I did not stroke you so much, but I like you a lot!!!!!
I miss you, Balu!
“I love you without knowing how or when or from where.
I love you straightfowardly, without complexities or pride:
So I love you because I know no other way than this:
Where I do not exist nor you,
So close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
So close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.”
- Pablo Neruda